Lick it, suck it, swallow it....

I have never in my life thought food had such a stronghold over me until I smelled bacon.  

The other day I would do anything to have it in me.  I thought well... maybe I could just lick it. Yeah! That won't hurt me... or just maybe I could taste it and not swallow. Just set in on my tongue and remind me of how food feels. 

Laying in bed I just kept thinking "WHAT IN THE WORLD IS WRONG WITH ME"! Why yes I was trying to figure out how to make it into a bacon shake so I could swallow it. I then decided that this stronghold has to be broken. What in the world is Jesus thinking as I lay here and crave bacon like it was my life. Yep time to start praying this stronghold off me. 

1 Corinthians 10:13New International Version (NIV)

13 No temptation[a] has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted[b] beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted,[c] he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

Ha bacon! You can't tempt me.. my God will provide me a way to endure and so he did! The thoughts of what pain I would be in and the vomiting that would accompany me submitting to my stronghold would be far worse then the joy of eating a quarter piece of bacon. 

So for everyone who fights this fight right along with me... dig deep and reach into your soul when you feel weak. We can do this!!! 

Buyers Remorse

Well today I would like to fully return my gastric bypass and I don't even care if I get my money back. They can keep it. Twice today, I cried hard. What choice did I make??? I thought this was going to help me get healthy??? All it does is make me feel like death.


The fever has lasted for three days and finally they figured out I have a bladder and kidney infection. So I took a deep breath and smiled... this is an easy fix! HAHAHAHAHA... nope. For you those reading or me just thinking people will read, no pills can be taken. NOPE NONE! What does that mean... pharmacies become very confused on how to make liquid meds for adults. It took Michael over 5 hours to finally get it compounded. He did it! He is my biggest blessing from The Lord above. So antibiotics in.. fever gone! YAY!!!

As for liquids, I was able to tolerate almond milk today. That was a relief for my protein shakes to not taste like muddy water. I didn't meet my fluid goal today of 64 ounces of liquid.  It is a hard thing to do... 2 oz at time or you feel like you have eaten 4 pizzas and have a tummy bug. YAY for my get healthy choice. Well tomorrow is a new day and I pray joy comes in the morning.

In all reality ....

I really wish I thought about keeping up with my journey over the last six months but today is the day I start. I am a mix of emotions. July 21, 2014 I had the gastric bypass surgery. The first day of the rest of my life. I had been through all the appointments. The mental health screenings, nutritionist appointments, SIX months of primary care visits and they all said YES she can do it! I thought YES I CAN DO IT! So I did.

Well I am day 4 post op of the surgery that will change my life. It hasn't yet. I am still in pain, running fever and gained weight in the hospital (which is normal I am told). I don't want normal I want to see the scale dropping. This blog is gonna be real. Not some pretty "oh i had the surgery and now I am perfect" story because that is not real and people need to hear the truth. NO WAY DOES THAT HAPPEN. I have been on liquids for 2 weeks and everything smells so good but it doesn't taste that way. The weight has not started coming off. Today I had the thought... " I wonder if this is reversible?" So many diets failed well I failed at. I tried atkins, weight watchers, counting calories, the cabbage soup diet, medifast and nothing worked. I would lose and gain. A mean, nasty roller coaster that life had me on. So lets get this ride started. I am in the front row with my hands up in the air waiting!!! But what makes me think it will? Is the cycle broken? Will this work? I guess I will see.

For now, make sure you soul search and truly know you want to not be able to eat bread ever again, or Olive Garden or caffeine. Make sure you want to be a cheap date cause alcohol hits your bloodstream immediately. I think i made the right choice however there is no turning back now! Let's see where this roller coaster takes me.